It is past one in the morning and I am not in the bed. I know that I am going to regret it in the morning when my terrific two wakes up, but after midnight is the only time that I can get to my self. I am a full time mom and housewife, titles that I sometimes struggle to embrace, and my life is very full. I take care of everybody, but seldom find time to take care of myself. I struggle to get through day to day task, days go by with dishes in the sink, baskets of clothes line my walls, and my house is a jungle. I still don't drive, simply because I don't have time for classes, which forces me to be stuck in the house with two kids most days. My husband works crazy hours giving us little family time or one on one time with each other. Don't get it twisted I have a loving husband, but it's hard on us all. My prayer life is near non existent and I shriek at the midnight cries of my daughters. I'm sinking here.
Last year we moved two hours outside of metro Detroit area. We left everything and everyone we love to for uncharted territories. Being such a family oriented person makes this exceptionally hard and I just don't have the help that I need with the girls that I would like. I don't hate motherhood or being a wife, but I do not believe that I am living up to my full potential. It is so hard.
I could continue to go on and on with the list of problems that I have, but I know that there has be some good, right? I am depressed to say the least and I know it is only God who can bring
me out of this, but frankly sometimes I get mad at Him too. I know that is not a good place to be, and I pray that talking some things out with a counselor will help me heal and move into what God has for me. But I know I can't be the only one going through this, right? I'm struggling to stay afloat here can somebody throw me a lifeline.
Najeema Iman, I AM Curly Locks
Najeema,
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are going through. Being a stay at home wife and mother can be hard and depressing if we focus on all that's in front of us and not what's ahead of us--the future of having healthy and whole children because we were able to be with them full ttime. Your world now seems like a lifetime but really it is a short moment in time. You MUST keep praise music going, play scriptures since you are having trouble reading the Bible (try www.blueletterbible.org) and call those you know can offer support. Satan works best when we are isolated. He wants to take you out and does so best when you are vulnerable. You are vulnerable because you are isolated. I know you don't drive, but maybe you can see if your area has a Mocha Moms or Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group that you can connect with. Perhaps one of the mothers can pick up you and the girls for meetings. You are not alone. Make sure you take one day at a time. One basket of laundry at a time, one task at a time, even a day at a time. I love you and you know can (and said you were going to) call me. Please do. Also inbox me your address. I want to send you the devotional for first time mothers that I contributed to.
Stopping by with a cheery Hi! from MBC!
ReplyDeleteI have and am here a lot. I find the balance of SAHM/WAHM very challenging. I am a type A need everything perfect kind of person and this is not working in motherhood. My son will be 2 in a few weeks and I still haven't figured this out yet. Day by day, and know that even a small victory of cleaning the lunch dishes means you are doing awesome! I joined a MOPS group and that has helped out a lot for meeting other moms and getting out. Praying for your daily strength.
ReplyDeleteValencia I am still figuring it out too...things are really looking up though....I am aobut ot join a MOPS group at a church near to my new town....I have also met a ton of moms wine going to the church near my home whih makes it alot easier and I am finding fun and free alot of the times things for my family to do...I am also in physical therapy 2-3 times a week for my recently sprained ankle which gives me 30-45 minutes a couple of days a weeek to myself....
ReplyDeleteIt is good to know that I am not the only one has went through things like this though....
I AM Curly Locks