Friday, August 13, 2010

School of Sleepless Nights

People ain’t taught me nothin’ bout bein a mother, God did. I been to the School of Sleepless nights and heard the tune of “Momma Why.” Screams of Momma I love you why, cause sometimes you just got to walk away. Hey I’m a good mother, done nursed till baby was almost a year old, but sometimes you just got to walk away.

Its hard to teach motherhood cause’ it no true science, cause’ every child is different. My baby she is good, but she wants to be on me 24/7, love her but that just ain’t gonna do.
People ain’t taught me nothin’ bout bein a mother, God did. To be frank everybody got they opinion of what to do,

“Just give them water at night, they get the point.”
“Don’t hold your child to much they be spoiled….”
“Let em’ cry it out, it’s good for the lungs.” (Where you there at 2-3-4-5-6 in the mornin’ when none of this was workin’)

For real you got to know your child for yourself. My baby is a good baby, but hey sometimes I do walk away. I let her cry, but I know, she know that not to long after that I’m gonna’ be in her room apologizing, tryna’ sooth her worries.

Here I am 6:19am writing cause I can’t go to sleep, she screamin’, distressed, but I can’t take anymore. I done bottled. I done cuddled. I done rocked. I done sang songs. I done changed diapers and she still won’t go back to sleep. Are the people hear? Do the people see that old wives tales ain’t workin’? I’m on day two of in your room, in your bed, get a bottle and go and it ain’t workin for me.
6:21am I sit her typin’ still hearin’ the screams but my fingers won’t let me go. I know there are tears but I done done it all and don’t know what else to do. Daddy in bed, he done worked all day, so at night its all momma. Well not really at night, during the day, during the afternoon, midday, I take all the shifts cause motherhood doesn’t really have to many shift changes. It’s a fulltime position with a few breaks(people want the baby fix for a minute, watch your child for a few hours, then its back on duty for you) but good benefits (every time you see a smile, hear the chuckle from raspberries on the belly, see the joy after a funny face you benefit. You know that at the moment you are doing something right.)
Motherhood ain’t easy by no stretch of the imagination, and ain’t nobody taught me nothin’ bout bein a mother, God did. He was the only one there, here at 6:28 in the mornin’ when nothin’ up but the birds and cars whisking by starting the morning shuffle.

Quiet, silent murmurs, “ Momma, I want momma.” I can’t take it but I got to take it. It is time for baby girl to understand. I love you, care for you, but you got to learn. Some may call me cruel, but I DARE YOU. You come to my house, do better job than me. 6:31, I’m holdin’ my ground like they told me to do, its breakin’ my heart as much as its breakin’ hers.

I sit here burgundy coach stained with Similac, covered in Gerber, it done been through warfare and didn’t stand a chance with a baby in the house. 6:35 a little quieter, nope there it is again the piercing cries from beyond these walls. Mumbles, now silence could it be, it can’t be, but it is, “….Another one bites the dust…” I am victorious. You see people ain’t taught me nothin’ bout bein’ a mother God did. Okay so maybe them people did help a little bit, cause I held my ground and it made her lungs stronger.

Najeema Iman, I AM Curly Locks

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