Monday, January 23, 2012

Journey Through Grief: I got Daddy Issues

Justin and Elise Father's Day 2011

I wipe Elise's tears, she mourns.  Her daddy walks out the door.  Her two year old self can not comprehend why her daddy pushes her away.  She does not realize he will be gone for a short time and return her knight in shining arm.  All she see's is him walking out the door. A little girl needs her daddy and that is what she wants right now. Her daddy is the one man who forever validates her, she continuously seeks his approval.  When this is lost it stays with her for a lifetime, trust me I know cause' I got daddy issues and I've had them for along time, twenty three years to be exact.

There many little girls living undercover, as adult women who suffer in silence. Rejecting others because we have been rejected ourselves.  I won't be silent any longer.  I won't go into all the details of my flawed relationship with my biological father, but I will say that I don't know him that well.  Most of what I do know about my father is second hand information from my mother and not all of it is good.  My mother is not a stereotypical single black mom, and has never bad mouthed my father, but most of what I know has been formed by his actions and in-actions towards my mother and I.   He has knowingly and unknowingly hurt me thousand of times. I could sit here and blame him for all my problems, stay dormant and bitter or choose the better option to forgive and move on.

I forgive. Forgiveness is the key to loving without expectation. The wound will heal, the scar is a reminder of where I've been so I can see where I am going.  Here's to a better tomorrow because I choose today to live peacefully.

This video says it all....

Quotes of the day

Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.
-Alex narrating, Greys Anatomy

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.
-Khalil Gibran

Peace and Love,

Najeema Iman, I AM Curly Locks

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