Thursday, January 10, 2013

Relationships: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

This definitely isn't a scheduled post, but I felt compelled to write this after having two recent conversations with women in my life related to your interaction with their boyfriend/spouse.  Relationships are hard, a journey that changes direction often. 

My husband and I have been together for five years and married for almost four.  We were the first in our group of friends, and one of the first couples in our generation on both sides of our family.  Every now and then we find ourselves dishing out information on some of the things that we have learned.   It has been happening more and more as we get older, so I wanted to share some of things that my Go-To Wise Women have told me.  My Go-To Wise Women consist of women in my life who are experienced mothers and wives who are in my opinion Proverbs 31 women and Elect Ladies.  These women have been through some things and aren't afraid to share the good, the bad, and ugly.  They rebuke me when I'm wrong and tell me when I am right. 

With all that being said, here is what I found to be one of the most important pieces of information.  Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. What your spouse or significant other doesn't know will hurt them.  How can you work on something if you don't talk about it.  I can't tell you how many times I have walked around pissed off leaving my husband completely aloof as to what was going on with me.  In my mind I said, " You know what you did," but he was often completely clueles as to what was going.  Showing vulnerability is not weakness. If you can't be vulnerable to your spouse, then who can you be vulnerable with.   In my opinion, I am no psychologist, I believe the majority of inappropriate work relationships, affairs, separations, and divorce stem from the lack of communication or ineffective communication.

One of the greatest lessons I learned from Anger Management class last year is that people don't know what you don't tell them and that the way that you communicate is just as important as the communication itself.  Effectively communicating is not accusatory, but empathetic towards the other persons feelings without forgetting about your own.  Screaming at your spouse or significant other only escalates the situation to a roaring boil and nothing will get accomplished.  Before you speak think about how you say things, and how they will effect the other person.  Don't assume that they will get it immediately.

Communication is not just the key to a successful marriage or courtship, it is the key to any effective relationship in life.  How do you communicate? How are you working on improving your communication skills?

Peace and Love,

Najeema Iman, I AM Curly Locks(Woman learning to communicate effectively)

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